Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
