Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
