sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
