He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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