True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
