He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
