Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
