I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
