She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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