there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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