This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just google imaged poop.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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