Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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