Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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