if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
