The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
