I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
