Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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