i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pants are for mortals
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
