Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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