At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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