im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
