Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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