i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
