A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
