the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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