The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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