3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need to stop coming to work sober
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Vodka?
Forever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
