hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
