She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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