please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
