Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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