I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
