I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're too hungover to prance.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
