i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
