Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
