Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
