I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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