The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
