your room smells of hookers.
And success
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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