yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
