I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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