She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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