I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
