these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
