Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
