He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
