You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I want a musical about memes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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