left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
