You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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