My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't put those talents on a resume
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
